When I was dismissed from the hospital, I was given prescriptions of Oxycodone, Losartan, and Iron Sulfate. At first, I thought how great the Oxycodone was because of the pain relief, but it's horrible. It gave me nightmares. I couldn't concentrate on anything. The only times I truly felt okay were when I was asleep. Being that the Oxycodone made me not able to concentrate much, I couldn't tell if the Losartan was doing anything or not.
Anyway, I stopped the Oxycodone and continued the Losartan for a bit. However, always around the time I took it, I would get extremely anxious and I'd not want Briana to leave me AT ALL. She was nice about it knowing that I was on these meds and would stay in my room with me. One time, she even tried sleeping in my room a bit, but her doggies didn't want her to stay in my room, so she ended up going to bed.
Anyway, the feeling was getting really bad. I could barely think of words to describe the feeling and that isn't good for me at all! I like to read, write, and learn! If I cant' have words, I can't do that!
I finally came up with words to describe my feelings. I could actually place them even more today because I've not taken any Losartan. I told Briana now if you can imagine something like the sound of a buzz saw or a table saw (and if you don't know that, imagine the sound of an appliance that buzzes, but intensify it in your imagination), then keep the FEELING that comes with the intense buzzing, but there is no more sound, then REVERSE it so that it is coming from the inside of your head to almost all the way around it . . . like up to your ears or eyes and behind the head . . . THAT'S THE FEELING.
I called the Walgreens pharmacy and told the pharmacist that the Losaratan was giving me bad anxiety. The pharmacist was not good saying that, "It's not a side effect." Anxiety is listed as a side effect with a major severity! I don't know the pharmacist that was in at that time, but I don't like that one!
There are still times that I want to cry, but that's just normal sadness and silly and cute things make me smile and laugh and I'll pop out of that. There are just sad things that cross my mind and those make me want to cry. Or, there are sad things that I see.
I feel bad if for my Mama if she had that feeling that I did for a long time. I can understand her wanting her hair cut because it did feel like it was all in my hair, but thankfully somewhere in my mind I knew better.
I never understood what she meant because she wouldn't explain how she felt. She would just wave her hands in kind of circles around the side of her head and say that was how she was feeling. I found that I was wanting to do that, too. I had always told myself that I don't want to end up like her, addicted to medications. I won't take those antidepressants. I'll talk. I'll cry.
I knew I had to stop taking the Losartan when that was happening and I've definitely felt like myself. I've just wanted to cry at times afterwards. It hasn't been because of anxiety or being depressed. I just need time and prayers. This whole thing with Briana and then my gall bladder have my emotions all mixed up.
Hopefully, now, all this with my Mama will be gone for good now, too. I'll always love her and I now I think I understand how she felt when she did that strange motion with her hands near her head. Hopefully all the worry will be gone. Things need to be good for a few years and so far, I've not had a run of good years since my Daddy passed away. Well, even before that . . . starting with little Micron.
March 2008 - Micron passes away
April 2008 - Daddy passes away
December 2008 - Marbles passes away
September 2012 - Mama passes away
March 2014 - I'm arrested by sheriff's coming to my HOUSE. They don't put my into intake and the throw me in a dark cell to where I am all alone. And I'm terrible scared and want to be back with my sister and Niblet, Woofles, and Krueger
August 2014 - Woofles passes away
May 2016 - I'm scared that Briana could have died and then I'm still left alone for a month (and I HATE being alone . . . I NEED people around!)
June 2016 - My gallbladder is removed
Where are my good years that I am supposed to get to ENJOY as a young adult? I certainly have not had any of them for YEARS. I've not even written about all the trials Briana and I had taking care of our parents even earlier than that.