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Having a hard time today . . . - Bridget's Gazette

About Having a hard time today . . .

Previous Entry Having a hard time today . . . Aug. 23rd, 2016 @ 10:34 am Next Entry
Today was not easy at all. I woke up feeling incredibly guilty and crying. I didn't have my Mama's forgiveness directly, and I've not felt anything from her in dreams other than criticism. I tried my best to get her the care that she needed. I really wanted her to get better because I wanted my real Mama back. I would've loved to have the real her back. I hadn't seen that since elementary school . . . except sometimes the real her shined through. She hid her real self many times when out in public. This time of year can be so hard for me. From June to September . . . it's not a good time of year for me at all. Then Mothers' Day and Fathers' Day aren't easy, either. April can be difficult because that is when Daddy passed away, but I don't seem to have AS DIFFICULT a time with his passing . . .I don't know why. But, I feel guilty that I couldn't be with Mama as much as I would've liked. I feel guilty that I couldn' bring Niblet to see her as much as I would've liked (although the nursing home wouldn't let her have him and he was scared of her). I feel guilty that I couldn't get her into the nursing home where she wanted to be. I feel guilty about the PEG tube, although I did get my objective out of talking to her about the second time and tried to talk her into getting an NG tube (and she wouldn't even agree to that).
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